Collegiate Writing

Hello Readers!

In my WSC 002 class, I was assigned to create a blog to show my progression as a writer and a reader.  If you would like to follow along, I have posted the link below.

https://thesandbeneathourfeet.wordpress.com/

Happy Reading!
Rita

The Salutatorian's Salute to Highschool

Close your eyes and imagine this:

You are sitting on a couch in your living room.  The world around you is quiet, since you are the only one home.  In the corner of the room you hear soft little snores from the puppy sleeping peacefully in her bed.  Her little nose moves up and down with each breath and occasionally she wiggles her ears.  Not wanting to disrupt her rest, you decide to turn your attention to the window besides you.  One by one the tiny raindrops race out from your line of vision.  After a while, they turn the outside world into a blur, an endless montage of colors that fade together and create an incomprehensible picture.  In the mist of the chaos, a calm is created.

To some people, rain symbolizes sadness.  To others, it symbolizes the birth of a new beginning.

I like to think that it symbolizes both.

I've spent the last few weeks reminiscing the last days of my high school career.  However, the realization that I will no longer walk through the halls I've rushed through everyday for the last seven years didn't really hit me until recently, until I stopped to think about the rain drops outside my bedroom window.

This is a time of both happiness and sadness.
It's a time of goodbyes and hellos.
It's a time of some chapters in our lives closing and others opening.

With this in mind, I'd like to close the chapter I and my classmates have called high school by sharing the words I spoke to my fellow classmates during our last few moments together.

I know we've all had our ups and downs throughout the years, but I feel truly honored and blessed to have been given the time to get to know each of my classmates.  From the bottom of my heart I hope that despite all of the miles we may travel in different directions, that we can all come back from time to time and reunite like the family we've become.

Please keep in touch and enjoy re-reading the words I carefully put together to mark our momentous transition into adulthood and for some, the beginning to finding out the person we are and wish to become.

Good Evening faculty, honored guests, parents and friends.  My name is Rita Cinquemani and I will be attending Hofstra University.  Today, it is with great honor that I stand before you as my class’s salutatorian.

Right now I would like you to all close your eyes and imagine this:

Music notes and the soft sound of footsteps fill an empty room.  Your body, swaying, is reflected in all angles from the floor to ceiling mirrors.  The faint smell of perfume wraps around your body, surrounding you. A single light shines through the window indicating that it’s almost noon. Slowly, the beam of light that danced with you recedes into the horizon with each soft note. Almost simultaneously, the strings supporting the drapes begin to fall like soft snowflakes at the dawn of winter.  Minute by minute, second by second, it inches closer...

Today is the day that curtain falls.  Every moment for the last four years, for some of us seven, has been building up to this moment, our high school graduation.

I remember us all entering WJPS for the first time in ninth grade.  All our teachers kept telling us that graduation would come before we knew it and we would just shrug their words off and think to ourselves “ya, right.”  It seemed like an eternity. 

To think that what we’ve been anticipating for what seems like forever is finally here.  It’s surreal and emotional. 

There’s just no possible way to sum up our entire time at WJPS into one short speech.  Why?  For some of us, that means summarizing almost half our lives.

For most of us, we grew up within the walls of this building.  With the guidance of our teachers and support of our friends over the years we’ve formed into a family and like most families, we fought, cried and yelled at the top of our lungs, but at the end of each day, we were there for each other, we still are there for each other and that’s what matters most.

That’s not a bond that forms overnight, but over time.  It’s an unbreakable support system that we are all forever grateful to have had.  It was bound together in the sixth grade and strengthened when we crossed the hall over into the high school in the ninth. 

With that in mind, I’d like to thank my family and friends for always supporting me.  You guys have helped make me who I am today.  I’d also like to thank my fellow graduates for always supporting each other and my teachers for always being there for us, all of your efforts have not gone unnoticed.

From day one our teachers kept nagging us and pushing us to be our best.  Telling us that everything we did from that first day of high school on would be important.

While annoying at times, especially that constant reminder to put our portfolio exhibitions together, its helped shaped who we are.  This is because no matter what happens in our lives, big or small, the event always makes an impact.  Sometimes we realize it right away, while other times we don’t.  

From day one Mrs. Schneider’s always told us that “everyone had a story”, I know, you were all waiting for me to say “the world is run by those who show up”.

Our bond has helped each of us learn each other’s stories and it’s because of that, that we are prepared to move on and succeed in the world.  We’ve been given a set of skills that only a small school atmosphere can give.  We’ve been taught how to listen, observe, realize that everyone is different and embrace those differences and for that, we should be always grateful.

This school has also taught each of us that through persistence, dedication and motivation, anything can be accomplished.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Class of 2014 will be the best class in the history of this school.  I’m sorry Mr. Mengani, but we are so better then the class of 2011.

It may be cliché to say, but in the words of William Shakespeare, "All the world's a stage" and high school is just one of the many we are to perform on in our lifetime.  But I like to think of the world as a bunch of different stages that come together for a big production, run by the story each of us has to tell.

With that in mind I’d like you to close your eyes once more and imagine this:

The curtain’s finally closed.  You slouch your shoulders down in defeat.  Is the show really over?  What will you do next?  It’s only when you ask yourself the last question that the light shines through the window and onto the floor in front of you.  You begin to glow as a blanket of warmth surrounds you.  Slowly the curtain begins to rise once more and you realize that it wasn’t the end of the show, but the beginning of a new act.  You stand tall and walk into the sunlight.

Now I ask you, what will you do with your stage?  Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be awesome.  After all we are the class of 2014.

Thank you.

And so the Goodbyes Begin...

When I first walked through the main doors of my school's building, in sixth grade, I had one thought in my mind; I wanted to be a reporter.  I wanted to learn how to be a good writer, interviewer. What captivated me at first was the phrase that my principal always said, “everyone has a story.”

It's hard to believe that, seven years later, I am leaving the school.

It's hard to believe that tonight I will be a high school graduate.

It's surreal and emotional.

This is because no matter what happens in our lives, the experiences we've had will always be with us.

In my grade there are a lot of people whom resent my school and each other. But doesn't that happen everywhere? Isn't that what families do?

I like to think of my school as one giant family, that even though argues, is there for one another when support and aid is needed most.

While I might not have been best friends with everyone in my graduating class, I feel so honored to have spent the last 4-7 years alongside them, learning, laughing and crying.

They are my siblings and deep down inside, I am theirs.

It's with that in mind that I end this post.

I'm tearing up just by re-reading the words I wrote.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry today, that I wouldn't get emotional, but it's hard.

Today marks the day my fellow graduates not only leave our school, but in some cases, each other for the last time.

It's hard to walk away from family.
It's hard to walk away from siblings.
It's hard to walk away from the only school you ever remember attending.

And while this has been a moment all of us have been anticipating for forever....

It's hard to graduate high school.

The Perfectionist's Dilemma: The Trials of Being Everyone’s Editor and Friend

Close your eyes and imagine this:
Your sitting in class and your teacher assigns you a paper.  Do big deal right?  You begin to brainstorm ideas and formulate an outline.

In life, there are fine lines that are considered taboo if you cross them.  For example, having children before being married, committing adultry, etc.  While the principal of friendship is not as extreme, it is sacred.

So when that time of year comes around and the teacher assigns a paper, people start to get nervous. Why?  The concept of peer review.

While having your peers look at your work has it's advantages, it also brings up an ethical question on whether to tell your friend that their paper sucks or to to just tell them that what they're trying to convey is good considering their writing ability.

Both options have dire consequences.  This is because your friend will either get mad at you for making them feel like their paper is horrible or mad that you weren't honest with them and they received a low grade.

I admit, sometimes when I read papers I have a debate in my head about what type of comments I should make and in what way I should word them.  Knowing that my criticism of writing is sometimes harsh, I'd always agree to read a person's paper with the clause that whatever I write they should not take personally.

Below are some of the most common problems I notice in papers:

• Quotes
• The lack of support/too much
• The transitioning/Introduction
• Analyzation
• Thesis
• Weird wording
• Hidden in introduction
• Paragraphs
• The transitioning between ideas (A problem I'm still overcoming myself)
• Run on Sentences
• Improper use of the , . and ;

Thankfully people understand my OCD about proper writing.  Yet, that doesn't always help me when I actually comment on papers, especially those of considerably long length.

For this past assignment, I read over 5 papers.  Considering the paper's length, I didn't want to read every page.  So the internal fight was shadowed by the feeling of doom.

There were just so many pages.

Yet, my perseverance remained in tact and I pushed forward.

In order to speed up the process, if I realized there were recurring problems, I'd create a note of it's existence and attach a link that could explain why there is a problem, as well as how to fix it.  I did this because although people want me to point out their mistakes, the more I do it, the less they'd learn from them.  Even if I make a comment, they'll never really be able to realize why I told them their grammar or sentence structure didn't work.

So, I used my commenting privileges to give most of the students in my class a lesson in grammar and other things.

Below are some of the advice I've given and links.

Quotes:

• Provide context for each quote
• Do not include quotes for the purpose of having a quote
• "packing your paper with quotations will not necessarily strengthen your argument..."

• "...it is important to move smoothly from the source information to your own thoughts. If quotations are simply dropped into a paper ... a reader may become confused as to the appropriateness and relevance of that particular quotation..."

• Possible introductions to quotes:

• According to Jane Doe, "..."

• As Jane Doe goes on to explain, "..."

• Characterized by John Doe, the society is "...

• Make sure all of your quotes are from credible sources

• When using Google type the following:  What You Want to Search Site:.edu

• Do the same for .gov, etc.

• 

• For more information:
• http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/introquo.html
• http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/quotations/
• http://www.schenectady.k12.ny.us/Schenectady_High_School/Library/Quoting.pdf

Analysis:

• For every one line of quotation, from a novel or other source, should have at least TWO lines of personal thought or analysis.
•  A lot of people lose focus of their own ideas and end up just paraphrasing the ideas of their source.  <-- b="" do="" not="" this="">
• If you do not ANALYZE, the purpose of the quote is lost on the reader.
• You need to explain how this connects to everything and your thesis

Introduction & Thesis

• There should not be more than ONE paragraph of context
• It loses the focus of the paper and distracts the reader
• You may have one paragraph of context and then a second to connect it to and establish a thesis.
• The thesis should be clearly identified by the reader
• Should not be hidden in the intro
• It should be neat and to the point
• Avoid using big or fluffy vocabulary depending on the audience
• The thesis can be more then one sentence
• It should go from vague to specific and detailed if you do this
• Be cautioned with writing the intro before vs. writing it after it is done
• This can cause you to lose focus while writing the rest of your paper
• When writing always keep the thesis in the back of your mind.

Paragraphs

• See analysis above.
• Outline them prior to writing to make sure you stay on topic and focused
• Make sure two ideas are connected within a paragraph for a smooth transition
• You can connect two ideas through analysis
• "Upon further investigation..."
• "This is further supported by the idea..."
• You can use transitional words
• Meanwhile...
• However...
• If transitioning often, avoid repetition and use synonyms
• Use a Thesaurus (yes, they exist)
• For a list of transitions:
• http://www.studygs.net/wrtstr6.htm
• For help and detailed view of transitions:
• http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/transitions/
• Avoid vague pronouns like the plauge
• Most common when mentioning two or more people in a sentence
• Ex: Fred and Bob went to his graduation.
• Who's graduation?
• Change to: Fred and Bob went to Bob's graduation.
• Make sure your tenses match up
• Ex: Martha lived in New York City and loves it.
• Lived does NOT match loves
• Change to: Martha lived in New York City and loved it.
• For more help on verbs and sentence agreement:
• http://www.sparknotes.com/testprep/books/newsat/powertactics/writingmc/chapter2section1.rhtml
• http://www.unh.edu/writing/cwc/handouts/grammar/grammar-vaguepronouns.pdf

FOR A LESSON ON THE SEMI-COLON PLEASE CLICK BELOW:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

Hopefully the above guide is helpful and will prevent future mistakes.

This Little Soap Box of Mine

This past week my AP Environmental Class was watching Food Inc. in class.  When we finished, we had to write a reaction paper.  Since some of the topics mentioned really pissed me off, I figured I'd get on my soap box once more and advocate for those who are being hurt the most.

**It should be noted that these were not the only points that disgusted and angered me, but many others.  Maybe if I have time, I'll dust the box off once more and share my thoughts with you.

Below is my reaction paper, please feel free to comment your thoughts.

Also, if you feel moved by my words, please watch the documentary and visit its website  in order to find out ways you can help ignite a change.

The Blood, Sweat and Tears of Food

For centuries, humans lived nomadic lives by traveling in order to follow their food sources and survive.  However, as humans began to evolve, that lifestyle was traded in to form the foundations of agriculture.  This change in humanity set of a chain of events, causing the human population to grow exponentially.  Over time, the increase in demand helped revolutionize the way people look at their food and how it’s grown, but not every revolution ignites change for the better.  Today, the simple task of growing food has transformed into a multi-billion dollar industry that is more protected than the people whose mouths it feeds. After watching the documentary Food Inc., I walked away realizing that the food system that should be nourishing and helping our population prosper, is harming the people who feed us.

Currently, only 3 or 4 companies control the meat market.  In comparison, only a handful of corporations control the rest of the food we eat (Food Inc.).  When looking at it from a farmer’s point of view, there aren’t a lot of options when it comes to finding employment; it’s either to run a small-family run farm with an unsure financial future or work for one of these corporations and know that a paycheck is going to come on a regular basis.  For many farmers, the former isn’t an option; these large corporations produce so much food on a large scale, it drives down prices to a point where the small town farmer can’t compete.  So, these farmers enter contracts with these corporations, which then set guidelines for the way they want their produce or product produced; they have to have a certain amount and type of tractor or seeds.  As a result, these farmers end up borrowing money from banks in order to enter into these contracts (Food Inc.).  What bothered me the most however, was that the borrowing didn't stop there. These companies keep expecting these farmers to upgrade their equipment on a regular basis, even though the new equipment costs a lot and the old ones work fine.  What is the point of getting a $50,000 harvester to harvest 100 more corn stalks a year, if the farmer only makes $20,000, a year and already has a good harvester that he is still paying off?  To me, it seems that these corporations are trying to find as many ways possible for them to make the the biggest profit possible.  Which from a business standpoint is fine.  after all, the sole purpose if for a business to make money.  However, that profit should not come at the price of compromising a man or woman’s livelihood.  These farmers work hard; they deserve to keep every penny they make.

Besides the massive amount of debt these farmers are in, they are still expected to purchase seeds annually.  A few years ago,  the supreme court ruled that an individual can own the value or right to life, paving the way for corporations to genetically alter life and patent it.  As a result, 90% of the nation’s soybeans are genetically modified and owned by Monsanto (Food Inc.).  In order to ensure that their monopoly over the genetically modified seeds remains in place, they have altered their beans so that they do not produce sterile seeds.  Yet, some cash-strapped farmers still harvest the best seeds and clean them anyway in hopes of saving some money.  Honestly, if I were a farmer I would do the same thing; it’s both practicable and reasonable.  Why would you want to spend money buying something you already have at your disposal?  It makes no sense and yet Monsanto wants the farmers to do exactly that.   Knowing full well that farmers harvest their seeds, they have a team of lawyers  and private investigators that are ex-members of the military who track down people to sue them for patent infringement (Food Inc.).  To make matters worse, they even have a 1-800 hotline where people can turn their neighbors in.  This has caused not only mental distress to farmers, but put hundreds of seed cleaners out of business. And for what?  So that one corporation could make an extra $1,000 or $2,000 a year?  In a way, the company has turned the humble agriculture industry into a greedy game of cat and mouse.

Another gloomy place on the board game of horrors created by Monsanto is where the humble small town farmer has his life shatter before his eyes.  Currently, Monsanto has a list of all the farmers that purchase their products from them.  They also keep a close eye on the farmers that don’t purchase from them or discontinue purchasing their product by sending investigators in the middle of the night to test fields for traces of their GMO gene (Food Inc.).  After, they  look at that list to see which category the farmer falls on.  If they have traces of the gene in their yield and don’t purchase their seeds from them, they sue them.  This is completely unfair, especially since the gene can be carried by the wind by pollen.  Is it really the farmer’s fault that the wind contaminated his crops?  What are they expected to do, build a dome over their crops to prevent the cross contamination?  It’s inhumanly possible to control the direction of wind!  Yet, Monsanto decides to sue them anyway and more often than not, they win because they can afford expensive lawyers and force the farmers to settle out of court.  This then leads the farmer to take out even more loans in order to pay Monsanto for patent infringement.  Sure the corporation won and got it’s money, but what does this loss really mean to the farmer?  Sometimes, everything.

Many of us, myself included, don’t really sit to reflect on the food that we eat.  We don’t think about where it came from or who helped grow it.  More likely than not, all of the food we eat has been genetically modified in some way or another.  As a result, our food is lying in the hands of a few corporations just like Monsanto.  The sad part is, the problems farmers face aren’t only faced by soybean farmers; most of them face the same challenges each day.  While Monsanto has a bunch of big shot lawyers to defend them, who do these farmers have?  Its documentaries like this that remind me why I want to go into law.  I want to ignite change, make a difference and give a voice to the people whom are often forgotten.  Yet, we don't all have to be lawyers to spark this change.  The solution is education.  If more people were to see this documentary and learn about the blood, sweat and tears that went into producing our food, I know that a revolution will occur.  Let’s just make sure it’s for the better this time.

Citations

Food Inc. Dir. Robert Kenner. Prod. Elise Pearlstein. Perf. Eric Schlosser and Michael Pollan. Magnolia Pictures, 2009. DVD.

My Day with Wires

Close your eyes and think of this:

There is a beeping in the distance and a stiffness in your muscles.  Every time you move, the sound of metal clinging together echos in the room.  On the left side of your heart, there is a box from which wires snake out.  Each connects to a receiver taped to your chest, that sends signals through your body.  Are you human?

These past few months I've been having chest pain and finally got an appointment to see a doctor.  It turns out that the pain wasn't caused by heart problems, but randomly due to stress.  Yet, to be sure, they hooked me up to a heart monitor.  So, yesterday I had to spend the day attached to a bunch of wires.  It's safe to say, that I felt like a robot.

The purpose of the monitor was to see how fast my heart beat was and track the activities that causes it to increase rapidly.  As a result, my time with it helped me realize just how many times a day I got stressed out over college and other things.  More often then not, that stress was caused by things that didn't matter when looking at them from the grand scheme of things.

Why is it that we always stress over the small stuff?
Why is it that the things that seem like nothing to someone else have the power to make us cry and get anxiety?
Why is it that even though we know that the things that stress us are minuscule, we still let them get to our heads?

These thoughts have been flowing through my mind for a while, but I've never really paid attention to them until recently.  A few days ago, a beloved staff member at my school passed away.  Although I do not know the specifics about her passing, I do know that the world was robbed of someone who always put others before her self.  She was kindhearted and always said good morning to everyone.  If I had to describe her in one word, it would be inspirational.

Her passing has helped me realize that life is short.
That every moment should be treasured because we do not know if it's our last.

As freshman year of college approaches, I will keep both her memory and the lessons she's taught me in the back of my mind.

I will not stress out about my classes or finding a person to sit with everyday at lunch.
I will not worry about how to manage a long distance relationship.
I will not worry about if my friends and I will still talk after June 25th.
I will get involved in my campus and take as many electives as I can.
I will study a semester abroad and learn the nation's native language fluently.
I will live in the now.

How will you live life to the fullest?

Politics Vs. Religion: A Never Ending Saga

Many people believe that slavery ended with the conclusion of the Civil War.  While that may be true in its traditional definition, slavery is very much alive in other forms across the world.

Each day, thousands of girls are kidnapped, transported to other nations and sold into slavery.


More often than not, that slavery isn't associated with traditional chores, like cleaning or cooking, but rather involve sexual actions, where these victims are turned into prostitutes or raped on a daily basis.

Although I have never known anyone whom has been affected by human trafficking, it's still a topic that I hope near and dear to my heart.   Especially since we live in a nation where freedom for all is preached and on the most part, exists from west coast to east coast.

Knowing what I do about human trafficking, it hurts my heart to learn about 276 girls in Nigeria that were kidnapped from their boarding school by an Islamic extremist group called Boko Haram. (Below is a link to the article I read recently.)

Luckily, 50 girls were able to escape, but the remaining still remain captive.  Below is a quote from one of the brave young women who risked her life in order to return to her family.

 "Don't worry, we're soldiers," one 16-year-old girl recalls them saying. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

 -ABC News

 Unfortunately, those men were not soldiers.  Those men lied.

Once the young girls exited the building, they were surrounded by armed men and were forced to comply to their orders since they were outnumbered.

While it's shocking to some, this is an event (maybe not on this large of a scale) that occurs almost as often as human trafficking; there's a lot of political unrest in other nations where resources are scarce, ideologies run strong and education is on the back burner of society's priorities.

Last year, in AP World, we learned about the Rwandan genocide and how because of past events, their is political upheaval. Instantly, I connected the two events since both involved different ideologies that sparked extremist groups to form and try to impose their beliefs on others.  Why?  Because when the European nations first decided to colonize in Africa, they based their colonies on geographical square footage, many did not take into account the different tribes that lived in these areas.

As these colonies formed, many mother countries, such as Spain, decided to convert all of their colonists and natives within their proximity to Catholicism, forcing them to leave their traditions behind.  However, during this same time, Islam began spreading across the world and eventually reached the colonies as well.  Now, each area has people whom are Catholic, Islamic and countless other subgroups based on native roots.  Oh, those people with different native roots?  Well they all come from different tribes with different relationships to one another.

Unfortunately, some of the tribes group together have had bad experiences/feuds in the past that still continue to this day.  Sometimes, those feuds are caused by the controlling nation who pick one tribe over another and make them the sole controllers of the government, like what happened in Rwanda, causing the two groups to naturally hate each other due to divide in the social classes and wealth.

Around the same time I learned all that information in school, I sat in on a Political Science class at Hofstra and discussed with two professors the effects religious beliefs have on society.

I came with the conclusion that many of the world's warfare is led by a disagreement between religious institutions, such as the Crusades, WWII, etc.  However, it's not the institutions in themselves that are bad, it's the need for people to take their beliefs and impose them on others that is the problem.  This also doesn't just occur with religion, but can be applied to any political policy.

Take the United States for example.  It's main belief is that everyone deserves freedom and the right to follow what ever type of government or religion they choose.  Although this seems innocent, with every solider that they are sending overseas, they become hypocritical.  This is because they send soldiers into areas to stop rebel groups from imposing their beliefs on a nation, but in that same process, they impose their own beliefs of democracy.  What if the people of that nation want freedom, but not democracy?  What if they're okay under a monarchy?

No nation has a right to tell another nation what they're doing is wrong unless lives are being lost.

If in the process of stopping, say peaceful protestors in order to being a nation democracy, lives are lost, was it really worth imposing your belief on that nation?

Was it worth getting their blood on your hands? (hypothetical of course)

Although it may sound harsh, sometimes we need to back away from situations and accept that other groups of people have different ideals from ours.

We shouldn't impose our beliefs on others, but let others belief what they wish.

If humanity decided to adapt this principle before hand, maybe there wouldn't have been a Rwandan genocide and maybe those girls would have been able to finish their education.

It's events like this that make me want to make a difference in the world.  Make me want to change it.

With this in mind, no person, no matter where they live, deserves to be taken from their homes, killed or persecuted solely based on the religion they practice, gender, or race.

We all live in the 21st century and have modern ideas.  For the most part, I'm a strong believer in the principal that history repeats itself.  However, if society stops remaining ignorant to the realities before us, maybe that wouldn't be the case.

We need to look into the future, not the past.

While the battle against human trafficking and the one between political and religious control is far from over, all we can do is Hope that people stand up, one at a time and demand action.

Action against one group of people forcing their beliefs on another.
Action against human trafficking/slavery.
Action to bring those 276 girls home.

It's only through the voices of the few that the many can stand up and make a difference.